


'Di Kukubli, Aking Tinig

by windeer1899



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:08:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22127647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windeer1899/pseuds/windeer1899
Summary: An insomniac businessman meets the alluring con artist. How will their lives change after a fateful night?
Relationships: Lu Han/Oh Sehun
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. Pagtatagpo

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: emotional/mental instability

la tristesse durera toujours.

"the sadness will last forever,"

"van gogh's last words. well, reportedly," inalis ni sehun yung tingin niya sa portrait sa art gallery ng ate citrine niya. it's his ate's first exhibit, and being the favorite baby brother that he is, he went there to support his sister.

there at the center in his ate's gallery was a portrait of a woman, inspired by van gogh's last words. it's amazing how his ate can make such a masterpiece. how a single painting can convey a lot from simply looking at it. the woman in the portrait is a gorgeous english lady from the ancient times. the woman was smiling so much that it reaches her eyes.

and then sehun realized, the more he looks at the portrait, it shows something different. an intent look at the woman's eyes will unravel an unspoken pain. his sister captured sadness on what he once thought was a blissful image.

"you never fail to impress me,"

"bolero," she fixed her baby brother's tie "you go na. you'll be late at uncle tiong's party."

dumiretso si sehun sa hotel na pagdarausan ng birthday party ng partner ng uncle niya. he's not the type of person who's fond of socializing. tolerable naman, but, if he has a choice, he'd rather stay at home.

but he knows he won't be getting sleep either, his thoughts will keep him restless. kaya he decided to go for it. there in the party are a number of businessmen, friends yung iba, part of their small community.

his uncle's friend, mr. harris, brought somebody with him. a man who looked feminine, way younger than his uncle's friend, and they caught everybody's attention for a while. not that sehun cares. he went to sit by the island for a drink.

madalas siyang napapatingin onto the guy's direction, their eyes would meet every time, but he never tried approaching the lad. baka nga minor pa. he doesn't want to get into trouble. mukha kasing nakuha lang ng friend ng uncle niya kung saan.

but the lad's absolutely charming.

medyo nagtagal siya sa party, casually talking to his ninangs till he excused himself to go to the restroom.

"shit, wala," 

napatingin siya sa gawi ng cubicle pagkarinig niya ng boses.

"pero nakakuha ako kaunting cash. oo, naniwala naman."

what does this person mean by that? sehun's washing his hands sa sink when the door of the cubicle opened, revealing the same lad awhile ago.

may katawagan yata sa phone, he ended their call pagkakita niya kay sehun.

"hey," nginitian siya agad ng lalaki. there really is something about this guy na nakakadala. ngumiti lang din si sehun in return. hindi inalis nung guy yung tingin niya kay sehun. those stares that's been trying to tempt him.

"sorry, natapunan suit ko ng wine. i don't look presentable enough na."

"no, it's fine. no need to feel embarrassed," sehun offered him his hanky, "here, take it."

"thank you,"

with a wink, lumabas na yung guy sa restroom. sehun chuckled as he glanced at the mirror. interesting.

sinundan niya ng tingin yung guy the whole party. he's suspecting something, he knows the guy can't be trusted. he was able to confirm his suspicions ng marinig niya yung brunette na ipinapakilala sarili niya as mr. chua's nephew, a business magnate. it is what he's saying to everyone, even to mr. harris. hindi nga lang malaman ni sehun kung ano bang sinasabi niya kay mr. harris para abutan siya nang abutan ng pera. but the brunette is really captivating.

lasing na si mr. harris, sasabay na yata siya pauwi sa isa pa nilang kaibigan dahil hindi niya na kaya pang mag drive.

"sorry 'bout him, kaya mo na ba umuwi mag-isa?" sehun's uncle asked the guy na dinala ni mr. harris sa party. the guy with his soft brunette locks smiled at his uncle as he nodded.

"opo, pero tulungan ko na din po kayo na akayin siya papunta sa kotse," sehun's been observing him. napatingin ulit yung lalaki sa kanya. "wait," lumakad siya papunta kay sehun, "your hanky, thank you,"

"no need, i--" may nakaipit na note sa panyo niya, he stared at the brunette, puzzled to what it is.

"thank you," the guy mouthed then he made a sly smirk, before he turned on his heels para tulungan yung uncle ni sehun na akayin yung lasing niyang kasama.

he read the note,

"parking lot. i'll be waiting for you."

sehun went to the parking lot, whether the brunette is there or not, pauwi na din naman talaga siya, so, it doesn't really matter.

"hey," there he was. nakasandal siya sa kotse beside sehun's. "let's get in? take me with you."

"right, but that's not my car,"

"ha?" medyo nanlaki yung mata niya, umalis siya sa pagkakasandal sa kotse then he recomposed himself. natawa si sehun sa reaction niya.

"sorry, akala ko kasi ito. dito kasi yung tinuro ng uncle mo. sehun, right?" binuksan ni sehun yung pinto ng kotse niya then he faced the boy, "hop in."  
sehun started the engine as soon as the brunette went in. he helped him put his seat belt on. he doesn't really know where to take him, ang sabi niya kasi, to anywhere they can talk.

"why did you want to be with me?" sehun asked the other.

"i know you like me," he spared the other a glance, nangiti siya. he's really confident. "ayaw mo non? i want to know you better."

sehun raised a brow to what the other said. kunwari nalang na naniniwala siya. he knows this guy has a different agenda. para tuloy siyang nakikipaglaro sa apoy. sinasasakyan niya lang cause sehun finds him interesting. he's such a dangerous beauty.

"why did i just saw you now? matagal na ba kayo ni mr. harris?" naka focus siya sa pagmamaneho.

"no, not really, we just met last week sa isang expo. and we're not a thing, if you're wondering."

"then, bakit kayo magkasama?" sehun's trying to catch him in his lies. but the brunette is so good at it. napaka relaxed niya.

"let's have a drink," hinawakan siya sa hita ng kasama niya. sehun held on the other's hand, whilst his other hand is holding on the steering wheel. he's such a charmer. perhaps this is how he get mr. harris to take him to the party.

the night is still young and he wants to know more about the guy beside him. sehun's curious to a lot of things. marami kasi siyang bagay na hindi maintindihan. but in order for that to happen, he needs to see this guy bare. not literally naked, but without the facade he's putting up. after a few more moments, he has decided.

"drop the act." sehun sternly said.

"what?" nagulat yung kasama niya.

"i know what you are. you're trying to trick people for money," sehun smirked at him, "tama diba?"

nagsalubong yung kilay ng kasama niya, "are you saying, na manloloko ako?"

"hindi naman ako magsusumbong. i suspected it back at the restroom. when i heard you talking to someone over the phone. i know the chuas. mr. chua doesn't have a nephew, puro babae pamangkin niya. you were lying." hindi na nagsalita yung kasama niya, hindi na rin makatingin ng diretso.

"ano, jinu-judge mo na ba ko?" nagbago expression ng mukha niya, the realest expression sehun saw from him.

"not really. i told you na diba, hindi ako magsusumbong. i just want to be with you tonight."

hininto niya yung kotse. he opened his glove compartment and took something out from it. kumuha na din siya ng pen to sign on it. he handed it to the brunette. it's a cheque, he's giving him 15,000 pesos.

"be with me. just for tonight."

the other glared at the cheque, then to sehun. nagmadali siyang tanggalin ang seat belt tapos bumaba ng kotse. sinundan siya ni sehun. gabing-gabi na. nasa daan pa sila na wala nang masyadong tao.

"ano bang problema,"

"con artist ako, oo! manloloko? oo. pero shit ka," tumingin muna siya sa paligid atsaka galit na bumulong, "hindi ako prostitute."

"what?" kumunot noo ni sehun, "i didn't mean it that way. i am not paying you for sex. i am paying you to accompany me tonight."

"ano?"

"you heard me right. i just need somebody to talk to. isipin mo nalang, business 'to. your company in exchange for my money," medyo kumalma na siya na parang kinokonsidera yung offer ni sehun, "deal?"

"no sex? usap lang?"

"no sex. usap lang." he repeated to reassure him. the brunette fished his phone inside his pocket and took a snap of sehun's picture.

"what was that for?"

"para may maisusumbong ako kapag pinilit mo ko."

nauwi sila sa bar ng close friend ni sehun. napapayag niya na din ang lalaking kasama niya. since in the first place, pinagbalakan din naman siyang lokohin, pakikinabangan niya nalang din.

"wala ka bang friends kaya namimili ka pa ng kausap mo?" nakaupo silang dalawa sa may island. umiinom na agad kasama niya.

"hindi ka pa ba nalalasing sa ininom mo sa party?" sehun's just looking at him while he downs a shot of tequila.

"hindi ako uminom. hindi ako kumportable sa mga tao don," nagpalingon-lingon siya sa paligid, "ganda dito. ganito ba bar ng mga mayayaman?"

sehun ignored him.

"uy, ito, dinala-dala mo pa ko dito, di mo rin naman pala ako papansinin. so, wala ka ngang friends?" tiningnan siya ni sehun.

"meron. but they know me well. atleast, kung may malaman ka man tungkol sakin, fair yung judgement. cause you're a stranger." na realize niya, kanina pa sila nag-uusap, pero ni hindi niya alam pangalan ng lalaking kasama niya. "may i know your name?"

"everything with a price." sehun rolled his eyes.

"magkano?"

"500 per question." naglabas siya ng 1,000 bill sa lamesa.

"you're really good at this, no?" the brunette shrugged with a smile as he took the bills.

"HL."

"what? aichelle?"

"hindi, H and L mismo. H and L." nilagay niya sa coat pocket niya yung pera. napataas ng kilay si sehun.

"that's not really your name isn't it?" the brunette shrugged again, "yung mga sagot ko, pwedeng tama, pwedeng hindi, ikaw nalang bahala umalam kung alin doon."

hindi yun fair, pero ano pa nga ba magagawa ni sehun. then next, he asked kung gaano na siya katagal na con artist. patigil-tigil lang siya, he answered. kapag kapos lang talaga tapos kulang yung raket, kukunin niya loob ng mga tao para perahan.

"hindi ka ba nakakahalata na ganon din ginagawa ko sayo ngayon. bakit kasi nagpasama ka pa, nahuli mo na nga ako, eh."

"ngayon lang ako naka encounter ng kagaya mo, eh. i can't let this chance pass. i wonder what's going on in people's heads so i am trying to listen. i don't care whoever you are. pare-pareho naman tayong gago. i just want to know what's behind this. what led you to this?"

HL giggled at him, "ano ba 'to, research? bakit ba gusto mong malaman buhay ng mga tao? hindi ba, chismoso ka lang kapag ganon?"

"hindi naman, i just want to understand why certain things happen. what is the root cause of this. kung bakit ka ganyan, bakit ako ganito. kasi baka kapag nalaman natin yung mga bagay-bagay, mag-iiba perspective natin don. marami kasing tanong na wala namang sagot." tinitingnan lang siya ni HL habang nagsasalita siya. then he smiled at sehun.

"type mo ba ko?"

"ha?" nagulat si sehun sa biglaan niyang tanong. natawa si HL sa mukha niya.

"kung hindi ka straight, type mo ko?"

"you're so straight to the point, ano? ganyan ka ba talaga ka prangka?"

"para mabilis. sayang oras, eh," HL took a sip on his sex on the beach, the cocktail mix he ordered.

"gusto mo ba minamadali lahat? alam mo, there are things that turn out better kapag dahan-dahan. no need to rush things. madami akong oras ngayon." tinawanan lang siya ni HL. nang medyo tumagal, naging comfortable na din sila sa isa't-isa. HL was able to tell more about himself. kung tama nga lahat nang sinasabi niya. sehun thinks he's telling the truth, he can feel it. na kwento niya na bartender din siya sa isang bar, qc area lang din. mama niya nasa korea, nagtatrabaho sa pabrika, katulong ng ate niya. but he didn't made it sound so pitiful. medyo inggit nga si sehun sa kanya, para kasing kayang-kaya niya lahat. parang kayang-kaya niya mundo.

it feels good hearing other people's stories. kesa naman buong gabi lang niya iisipin yung kanya, yung sarili niyang karga.

"ikaw, ano ginagawa mo?"

"toy store. it's a family business that i manage."

"mm," medyo nakararami na ng inom yung kasama niya, "masaya ka naman dyan?"

was he? nasanay nalang siya sa routine niya, sa kung anong dapat niya gawin, he didn't really gave importance to his happiness. or maybe, wala lang talaga. maybe that's the reason why he never got a good rest, why he always fear the night. di na naman siya makakatulog.

HL told him more about his life. medyo lasing na nga yata. namumula na pisngi niya, dumadalas na din pagkagikhik. he is really adorable.

they decided to leave the place after a few drinks, and after a few dances then and there. tawa na din nang tawa si sehun sa mga kwento niya. huminto sila sa malapit na convenience store cause HL will buy something daw. sehun waited for him outside, then he lit a cigarette stick at naupo sa hood ng kotse niya.

lumabas si HL na may dalang dalawang can ng soda. he offered sehun the other can tapos naupo na din siya sa tabi ni sehun. HL noticed that he's been staring at the sky while smoking.

"lalim nang iniisip mo, ah. kasing lawak siguro ng galaxy 'yang isip mo." sehun looked at him then he smiled.

"hindi naman. naisip ko lang, sa lawak ng universe, ano pa kayang meron? what's more in that vastness? malay mo, may different version mo sa ibang mundo. meron din ako. would you think they are happy?"

"parang parallel universe? may iba't-iba pa kong version? nako ah, nakakatakot 'yon."

"bakit naman?" natawa si HL sabay inom sa soda.

"imagine mo naman, may clones pa ako. isa pa nga lang hassle na. ano pa kaya kapag marami pa kami. one monster to another." but when sehun's not laughing, hindi na din siya tumawa. pagkatingin niya kay sehun, nagkasalubong mata nila cause sehun's been staring at him all along.

"you're not a monster. you're amazing."

medyo natigilan siya don sa sinabi ni sehun. pinigilan din niyang mangiti. bigla silang natahimik.

"kung may iba pa akong version, hopefully maganda buhay nila," HL broke the ice, "sa tingin mo, yung ibang version natin, magkasama din ngayon? nagkita din kaya sila? parang ganito."

"siguro. baka mas masaya sila ngayon. hopefully, the other me won't be as miserable as i am. sakin nalang matapos yung ganito. sabi mo nga, diba, one monster leads to another. huwag na. ako nalang yung huling masama." he took a sip on his can, "do you know the story of bloody mary?"

"yung horror?"

"nope, the late queen of england." then, he told HL why mary tudor was called bloody mary. it is because mary the first was a devoted catholic, against siya sa protestant reform kaya madami siyang pinasunog. na tao. for the sake of religion. but she was popular to her supporters on the early times of her reign. then sehun mentioned her adolescence. kung gaano siya na pamper ng king and queen, her parents. till her life made a 360 turn when king henry VIII divorced queen catherine of aragon. nag-iba trato ng hari kay mary, pilit siyang na disown, tinanggal sa pwesto, habang nag-asawa yung hari ng iba. she witnessed how her half-siblings got the affection from their father that once was directed to hers. hindi din siya hinayaang makita yung late mother niya nung namatay. plus, she suffered from a bad endometriosis, pabalik-balik lang. in her reign, her husband didn't loved her as much as she loved him. ilang ulit din siyang nagka false pregnancy. naging katawa-tawa nalang siya sa mga tao. till she died in her fortys.

"lungkot naman ng buhay niya. parang backstory ng isang villain. kaya bigla kang mapapaisip kung tama ba na magalit. kaso, mali pa rin na hindi siya naging makatao. hindi naman ibig-sabihin na nasaktan ka, may license ka na para sirain din yung iba. okay, given na naging reyna siya, pero mali pa rin." HL tossed the can of his soda to the nearby trashbin. when it got in, he made a small victory cheer with his fist.

"she was a victim of circumstances that turned her to the person that she was. one monster led to another. kaya nga sabi ko, galit ka sa mundo, galit ka sa sarili mo, wag mo na ibalik pa sa iba yung sakit." sehun continued, "in the end, ikaw parin naman kawawa. walang makakaalala. hanggang sa huli. isa ka lang talunan."

"pero hindi naman ikaw 'yon," nagkatinginan silang dalawa to what HL said, "hindi ka talunan. napapagod ka lang." he took the cigarette stick from sehun's hold, humithit siya ng isang beses tapos itinapon na niya, "wag ka na muna mag self-destruct ngayon," inilahad niya palad niya, "akin na."

nagtaka si sehun kung ano tinutukoy niya since itinapon na ni HL ang stick. "the what?"

"yung worries mo," HL smiled, "akin na." tinap lang ni sehun palad niya na parang may inabot. nag gesture si HL na parang ibinulsa yung ibinigay ni sehun.

"akin na muna 'to. mukhang bigat na bigat ka na, eh." natawa silang dalawa.

"uwi na kita sa inyo?"

they went inside the car then sehun started driving. tahimik lang sila sa duration ng byahe, hanggang sa pinahinto na ni HL si sehun sa may bandang starbucks.

"dito ka na bababa? where do you live? hahatid na kita doon." tinanggal na ni HL ang seat belt niya.

"hindi na, kaya ko naman lakarin. malapit nalang."

"i wanna know where you stay," medyo pabulong na sabi ni sehun. HL made a face na parang nang iinis.

"bakit? attached ka na agad? mahal mo na ko agad? bilis ah!" natawa siya, sehun's gazing at him habang nakangiti. HL suddenly pulled him closer by his tie then he pecked his lips.

"luhan." nakangiti siya habang magkalapit mukha nilang dalawa, "yung totoo kong pangalan. luhan." mahina niya nang itinulak si sehun tapos bumaba na ng kotse. sinundan siya ni sehun sa pagbaba.

"luhan!" the name perfectly rolled out of his tongue. napalingon ulit si luhan sa kanya. "are you sure, ayaw mong ihatid na kita pauwi sa inyo?"

luhan nodded, then he waved a hand. "uwi na. mag uumaga na."

"see you?"

"more like, see you never?" luhan chuckled then he bit his lower lip. "malay mo. bye, stranger." he did a flying kiss tapos tumalikod na para maglakad palayo.

pinanood lang siya ni sehun hanggang tuluyan siyang makaalis. nang hindi niya na makita si luhan, pumasok na din siya sa kotse tapos nag drive paalis.

he just wished that fate will let them meet again.

it's been a month since luhan saw the stranger. paminsan, tinitingnan niya pa rin yung picture ni sehun na nasa phone niya na hindi pa niya naididelete.

sa kakatingin niya nga, halos makabisado niya na bawat kurba sa mukha ni sehun. he was able to paint his portrait din. luhan paints minsan. kapag may pera na tira sa mga gastusin na nabayaran, pinangbibili niya ng mga pintura atsaka ng iba pang art materials. ayun lang naman libangan niya.

"tito papa! tara po na, okay na si aries!" inayos niya na yung art materials pagkarinig niya sa pamangkin niyang 6 years old.

"tapos ka na maligo? paamoy nga ng kili-kili niyang baby na 'yan!" natawa si aries nang inamoy-amoy na ng tito niya yung kili-kili niya nang itaas niya yung dalawa niyang kamay. "bango, ah!"

iniiwan ni luhan yung pamangkin niya sa tita niya kapag aalis na siya for work. mabuti nalang mabait tita niya, mahal na mahal niya kasi silang magkapatid. anak si aries ng ate niyang nasa korea.

"tita," nagabot siya ng pera sa tita niya, "pamili."

"nako," isinuksok ng tita niya sa bra niya yung pera, "kaya kita favorite, eh." sakto naman kumatok yung kaibigan niya na si yixing para sunduin siya.

"o siya, malelate na kayo sa trabaho, babye na," humalik na sa pisngi niya yung tita niya, tapos, nagpaalam na din si yixing.

"ingat kayo, ha!"

"nagkikita pa kayo ni prince charming?"

"prince charming, ka dyan. hindi. wala lang 'yon. wala lang kami." that what he's been telling to himself. naisip ni luhan na baka in denial lang siya, pero hassle masyado ang feelings kaya pilit niya nalang kinalilimutan.

pagpasok nila ni yixing sa bar kung saan sila nagtatrabaho, bumalik ulit sa alaala ni luhan yung mamahaling bar. pati si sehun. si sehun na nakasama niya nang gabing 'yon. medyo nangiti siya.

nakipagpalit na siya sa kasamahan niya na nasa island. madalas may nakakakwentuhan siya na customer, lalo na kapag mag-isa sila. ang dami niya na din kwentong narinig. minsan naman, pinapanood niya lang yung mga tao kapag wala siyang ginagawa.

then there he noticed that person sitting at the pearl white couch. he's mingling with the others, both men and women. kamukha siya ni sehun. but thinking that he had mistaken the guy for sehun, he just shook his head to remove the image of him in his thoughts.

baka tama si yixing, naloloko lang siya sa stranger na nakilala niya non. baka naattach lang siya nang unti. pero alam niyang hindi naman na sila magkikita, as possible, kailangan niya na siyang kalimutan.

"sex on the beach," nagulat siya sa boses na narinig niya. hindi rin naman siya pansin nung lalaki, kaso, nang magkatinginan sila ni luhan, pareho silang nagulat.

"hey." 

si sehun.

nginitian lang siya ni luhan tapos sinimulan na niyang i mix yung drink ni sehun.

"so, you work here." nag nod si luhan sabay abot ng drink niya. wala parin siyang pinagbago. gwapo pa din. nakakalambot pa din ng tuhod yung mga tingin. "do you think this is fate?"

"coincidence lang 'to. masyado ka namang romanticist." ngumisi si sehun tapos inilapit niya yung inilapag ni luhan na mix.

hinintay siya ni sehun matapos sa trabaho, isinama niya si luhan sa art gallery ng ate niya. last day na kasi ng exhibit kaya isinama niya si luhan doon.

surprisingly, luhan loved the gallery. ang dami niyang alam sa arts, tuwang-tuwa din siya kapag nagkukwento.

"why?" nahinto si luhan sa harap ng isang abstract painting.

"ang ganda kasi, eh. tingnan mo 'tong spiral, para siyang both creation and destruction. nasisira sa pagbuo mo, pero nabubuo ulit mula sa pagkasira." he was smiling at the frame. hindi 'yon napansin ni sehun before. he's not really into arts unlike his sister.

"gusto mo?" napalingon si luhan sa kanya.

"alin?"

"that painting. bilhin natin?" medyo nanlaki mata ni luhan tapos ini wave yung dalawa niyang kamay, gesturing that he doesn't really need it. na huwag na.

sehun introduced luhan to his ate citrine, and his ate loved luhan. medyo ini-expect niya na rin, after all, they're both into arts. but what sehun didn't expect is that his parents will be there. all in talaga suporta nila lagi when it comes to his siblings. he introduced luhan to them as his friend. both his mom and dad are pleased to meet luhan. bihira lang kasi magpakilala si sehun ng kaibigan.

they had dinner at a restaurant nearby. masaya din na nakausap ng parents niya si luhan. his mom is such a social butterfly. madali talaga siyang maka close ng lahat. sehun and luhan took a stroll at the park after they had dinner.

"out ka sa parents mo?" in the middle of their walk, biglang napatanong si luhan. he nodded. his parents don't really mind whatever his preference is.

"they found out by their own. it didn't surprise them anymore when i am bringing a man or a lady at my place, tapos andon sila for a visit."

natahimik na naman sila pagkatapos non.

"malapit ka sa parents mo?" hindi gaano. being the middle child, dama ni sehun na less affection yung naibibigay ng parents niya -- but it doesn't really matter. kapag nahihirapan yung panganay, sa kanya maipapasa yung responsibility, but their oldest would still get the credit, or his kuya is really his parents' favorite kaya siya mas napapansin. yung bunso naman, sa kanya magsusumbong whenever things don't go her way. he'll take the blame kapag kinunsinte, no matter how hard he try to be the good one, wala, eh. he still end up being the least favorite.

"yeah," ang sabi niya nalang. but luhan is really observant. napansin niya na agad na may nag bo-bother kay sehun, sa dinner palang nila.

"you closed another deal pala, ano? congrats, ha. ang galing mo naman." 

"you were listening?" nabanggit kasi kanina ni sehun sa parents niya na sila yung napiling provider ng toys for a charity for kids. kaso hindi naman masyado napansin. his parents just said, 'good job,' tapos ibinalik na nila ulit yung usapan sa art gallery ng ate niya.

atleast may nakarinig pala.

nag start na yung dancing fountain, excited na excited si luhan na nilabas yung phone niya. he's singing and dancing with the music too. tumatawa nalang si sehun habang pinapanood siya.

hinatid siya pauwi ni sehun pero sa may bandang starbucks parin siya nagpapababa. na kwento ni luhan na may sasamahan na naman siyang businessman bukas -- for his job.

"hindi ka ba natatakot?"

"na mahuli? sila naman kusang nagbibigay sakin, why would i?" tinanggal na ni luhan ang seat belt.

"by telling lies? what i mean is, hindi ka ba natatakot na mapahamak? why are you always risking everything? kailan ka ba natatakot?" napaisip si luhan don.

"kapag ihohold back ka lang ng takot, wala namang mangyayari, eh. mag-isa ako? ano ngayon. kailangan ko gawin 'to, sige lang. subok lang. sugal ka lang. kasi wala namang choice, eh."

"kung may choice ka ba, susugal ka?" 

tiningnan siya ni luhan nang matagal sa mga mata niya.

"depende. saan ba ako susugal?"

hindi rin siya nakasagot. bumaba na si luhan ng kotse. from that night, hindi na talaga naalis si luhan sa isip niya. another reason to not fall asleep.

hawak na hawak siya ni luhan sa mga palad niya.

indeed, luhan became another reason for his sleepless nights. para parin siyang robot na naka program bawat araw. trabaho. isip. he'd be showering to relieve stress but he still can't feel the satisfaction. para siyang katawan na walang laman sa isang maliit na espasyo. dyan lang siya, nakaupo, nag eexist, pero wala siyang maramdaman. palaging nag-iisip, but in his thoughts, luhan would always be there.

after work, he'll be at the bar where luhan works, hoping that he'll get to see him there. kaso nga lang, that day na bumalik siya, wala naman si luhan.

nevertheless, he stayed there, wala din naman siyang pupuntahan. but yixing, luhan's friend, was there, siya kumakausap sa kanya, napapa kwento din minsan.

"xing, si aries raw nasa ospital." he saw how worried yixing was when he heard it sa ka trabaho niya. tumawag daw kasi ang tita ni luhan. problema nga lang, hindi daw nila ma contact si luhan kaya hindi malaman ni yixing ang gagawin.

"ako na pupunta,"

knowing that sehun is luhan's friend, sinabi niya na din kung saang ospital.

he went there and introduced himself to luhan's tita. naasikaso naman na yung pamangkin ni luhan ng mga nurse. the kid had a history of a heart disease. mabuti nalang at naoperahan na siya noon, and it wasn't because of his heart, kaya siya na ospital today.

nagmamadaling pumunta doon si luhan na mangiyak-ngiyak. sehun reassured him that his nephew is already fine. tumaas lang ang lagnat kaya nadala sa ospital. maya-maya, kung maayos naman ang lab results, pwede na siya ma discharge. luhan was relieved hearing that it isn't because of his nephew's heart.

"tahan na," he handed his handkerchief to luhan, inabutan niya na din ng tubig.

"akala ko inatake na naman siya, eh, sabi ko baka kinakarma na ako, napadasal ako, sabi ko, hindi na ako ulit mangloloko, huwag lang mawala samin si aries," pinunasan niya luha niya with the hanky that sehun gave him.

he patted luhan's back, medyo lumapit din siya so he can comfort him. tinulungan din siya ni sehun sa hospital bill, which luhan promised to pay. hinayaan niya nalang kasi alam naman niyang hindi papayag si luhan kapag hindi ipapabayad ni sehun 'yon sa kanya.

luhan's aunt went home first para asikasuhin yung kwarto ni aries. when the kid got discharged, hinatid na sila ni sehun pauwi by his car. but this time, sa mismong bahay na nila.

pinagpahinga na agad ni luhan yung bata sa kwarto, tapos pinaupo niya na muna si sehun sa sa sala. napansin niya na medyo matagal na simula nang nagpaalam muna si luhan na papasok lang siya sa kwarto niya. because he got worried, naisipan niya nang puntahan. he knocked at his door only to find it slightly open. dahan-dahan niyang binuksan yung pinto tapos nakita niya si luhan na umiiyak.

"baka nabibigatan ka na, akin na," he said. napatingin si luhan sa kanya, he rubbed his eyes with his clenched fists, tapos yumakap siya agad kay sehun.

they stayed like that for a few minutes hanggang sa tumahan na si luhan. he slowly pulled away tapos naupo sa mattress ng kama.

sehun scanned through the walls of luhan's room, puro paintings na naka frame. sa bandang table naman niya, nakalagay yung art materials. adjacent to his table were a stand and an art canvas. nanlaki yung mata ni luhan tapos tinalikod agad yung portrait.

"bakit ayaw mo ipatingin? ano ba 'yan," lumapit si sehun para iharap ulit yung art canvas. pipigilan pa dapat siya ulit ni luhan kaso naiharap niya na. it was his portrait that luhan painted, medyo matagal niyang tinitigan tapos nangiti siya.

"hindi mo naman ako miss na miss niyan?" sehun asked him teasingly. luhan rolled his eyes.

"matagal na 'yan. wag ka nga masyadong feeling na mahal na mahal kita." he appreciated lu's paintings. tiningnan niya ulit isa-isa.

"why don't you make this your job? o kaya mag exhibit ka."

"saan naman ako kukuha ng pang exhibit? tapos kung may magpapagawa man sakin, kinukuripot pa ako. kapag ginawa ko naman 'tong trabaho, may schedule pa akong susundin," tumayo si luhan tapos tumabi siya kay sehun, tiningnan nila pareho yung painting na isinabit niya malapit sa bintana, "ayaw ko ng ganon. ma pe-pressure lang ako. mas madalas akong tumunganga kesa magpinta. hindi ako nakakatapos niyan agad."

"it's so breathtaking,"

"alin, yung painting? ganyan ka ba kagaling na galing sakin?" luhan asked. humarap sa kanya si sehun tapos tiningnan niya siya sa mga mata niya.

"ikaw. this. being with you like this. it's breathtaking." sehun leaned closer to luhan. luhan closed his eyes till he felt soft lips on his. sehun pulled him closer and he kissed luhan fervently.

he slowly pulled away, his gaze not leaving luhan's half-lidded eyes. he planted a small kiss on luhan's forehead.

"punta ka sa bahay ko. paint a wall there, maglaro ka lang. let your heart make the masterpiece. name your price."

pumayag naman si luhan agad.

"kunin ko na din yung portrait ko. how much would it cost?" napatingin si luhan sa painting, tapos ibinalik niya yung tingin kay sehun na medyo kunot yung noo.

"hindi ko ipinagbibili 'yon, eh. akin lang 'yon--," sehun raised a brow. realizing na baka na misunderstood yung sinasabi niya, luhan clarified, "yung painting, i mean."

sehun nodded his head as he laughs. umalis na din si sehun after an hour, then he reminded luhan that he'll be waiting for him at his place for the painting. sabihin niya nalang kung kailan siya pwede.

luhan bid him goodbye with a wave.

while at work, luhan received a call from his sister that she'll be heading home. sobra kasi siyang nag-alala kay aries kaya napauwi siya agad. kailangan niya din bumalik agad sa korea kasi may sakit daw ang mama nila, walang kasama mag trabaho.

umuwi siya nang maaga-aga para mapaghandaan ng pagkain ang ate niya. he saw how aries yearns for the hug of his mother. halos ayaw niya na kumawala sa yakap. matagal din silang hindi nagkasama. lahat kasi ng ipon nila, napunta sa heart surgery ni aries noon kaya pare-pareho silang hirap din ngayon sa pagtatrabaho para makabayad sa utang nila.

ang tagal na ng ate niya doon.

kailangan siya ni aries.

"ako nalang kaya ang tumulong kay mama doon?"

kinarga ng ate niya si aries tapos tiningnan siya na para bang nag-aalala, "sigurado ka, kaya mo?"

kung dati pa siguro sinabi ng ate niya 'yon, oo siya kaagad. wala namang hindi kinakaya si luhan. wala siyang takot. parang kaya niya mundo. parang kaya niya lahat.

kaso ngayon parang hindi na siya sigurado. parang may pumipigil sa kanya.

"pag-iisipan ko."

off niya naman sa trabaho kinabukasan, nandoon naman sa bahay ang ate niya para bantayan si aries kaya pumunta na siya sa tinutuluyan ni sehun, dala niya yung materials niya para sa mural painting.

"bakit nagdala ka pa ng materials? had it all prepared." pinapasok niya si luhan sa loob. itinuro niya kung saan na corner magpipinta si luhan, nakalapag sa sahig yung mga material na pwedeng kailanganin ni luhan. he really did prepare.

"ikaw lang mag isa dito?" sehun nodded sa tanong niya. hindi na siya kumuha pa ng malaking apartment dahil siya lang naman daw mag-isa. mahihirapan lang siya maglinis. sehun has a nice pad though. maaliwalas at malinis. minimalist ang interior design kaya nagustuhan ni luhan.

"sa right side yung kusina, there's food in the fridge," he pointed at the other side, "doon sa banda don, liko ka lang, malapit sa kwarto ko, nandon restroom."

napansin niya ngang naka suit and tie si sehun, "aalis ka?"

"for work."

may inabot si sehun sa kanya na susi, "this is a duplicate key sa bahay. pumunta ka dito kung kailan mo gusto. i'm gonna leave you here muna. kapag tapos ka na, lock mo nalang pinto. feel at home. don't let others in." nakatingin lang si luhan sa susi sa palad niya.

"iiwanan mo ko dito mag-isa? sigurado ka? you trust me enough? paano kung may mawala dito?"

"i decided to trust you. now, you decide if you'll gonna break it or not." humalik si sehun sa noo niya tapos umalis na.

he started painting as soon as sehun left. truth to be told, ngayon lang siya nakapag pinta sa pader. but luhan thinks he can still do it well. he already has a picture in mind. in his short breaks, he'll be at the kitchen sometimes to drink water.

kung maaga siya matapos, gusto niya lutuan si sehun ng pagkain. napansin niya kasi na puro lalagyan ng takeout food yung nasa trashcan sa kusina.

he did try to finish it as early as possible, but still in the best outcome. para sulit naman bayad sa kanya ni sehun.

he spent almost five hours at that corner. mabilis siyang natapos, but he's satisfied at the finished look. 

he went to the kitchen to cook. habang hinihintay niya maluto yung food, inayos niya na rin yung mga coat na galing sa laundry shop, na naka kalat lang sa couch ni sehun, tapos ipinasok na 'yon sa kwarto niya since bukas naman ang pinto.

he noticed the framed photo of sehun's family sa bedside table niya. beside that frame is his childhood photo.

"kurutin kita sa pisngi dyan, eh," luhan scrunched his nose, trying to stop himself from squealing. then he noticed the bottle of pills and meds. nawala yung ngiti niya.

he sighed.

gaano ba siya ka problemado na hindi na siya nakakatulog?

sehun went home to a sleeping luhan, head resting on the dining table. it's late, and he's still there. naghanda pa siya ng pagkain.

he take a good look at the corner which luhan painted sa may sala. sehun knew it would be wonderful, but it went beyond his expectation. luhan is really good at it.

"nandito ka na pala. sorry, lumamig na yung pagkain. iinit mo nalang. uwi na ako." luhan was about to leave when sehun stopped him by holding onto his wrist.

"stay." humarap sa kanya si luhan. "kahit sandali lang."

they shared the food which luhan cooked that night. ininit nalang nila sa oven. nagbukas din si sehun ng bottle ng wine for them to drink.

"mahal mo ba ko?" nagulat si sehun sa biglaan na tanong ni luhan. his bluntness still astounds him every time.

"siguro."

"do i love you?" luhan asked again. sehun shook his head, "lasing ka na ba agad?"

"mahirap ka ba mahalin?" napaisip si sehun sa tanong ni luhan. alam naman niya sagot.

"siguro. baka. sobra. malay natin." nahihirapan din kasi siyang mahalin sarili niya. kulang, eh. galit siya sa mundo, galit siya sa sarili niya. mahirap talaga siyang mahalin. "but do you love me?" luhan shrugged.

after they had dinner, sehun played a cd on a vinyl record player. na kwento kasi ni luhan na hindi siya naisayaw ng lolo niya nung bata. kapag birthday kasi ng lolo nila, nakaugalian na isayaw silang mga apo. e si luhan ang pinakabata sa mga magpipinsan, kaya hindi na siya naisasayaw kasi napapagod na lolo niya, napakarami kasi nila. hanggang sa nawala lolo niya, hindi na talaga siya naisayaw.

"lolo kita?"

"wala ka naman choice, no. ako nalang magsasayaw sayo dito." hindi malaman ni sehun kung bakit natatawa si luhan habang nag wa-waltz sila.

"para tayong nasa disney," luhan's giggling, "yung tayo sa ibang universe, ganito din kaya kaloko-loko?"

sehun's been staring at luhan's lips. he knows he can't hold back any longer. he caressed the side of luhan's face then he leaned closer to kiss him. he kissed him passionately like there's only the two of them in this universe. nawawala na siya sa mundo niya. sehun felt like he is under a deep spell. he can't get enough of him.

with their tongues fighting for dominance, luhan let himself be carried by sehun. he placed both his arms over sehun's strong shoulders as he was taken to the bedroom.

they made love that night. 

luhan woke up on sehun's bed, he's naked under the sheets. naalala niya pa rin kung anong nangyari sa kanila kagabi. hindi naman siya tumutol. kusa niyang binigay sarili niya kay sehun kagabi.

he spotted sehun at the terrace connected to the room. it's an early morning. madalim pa. nakatingin siya sa malayo habang naninigarilyo, he's only wearing a robe. luhan putted another robe on tapos pumunta sa terrace.

"aga niyan, ah," nilingon siya ni sehun tapos ibinalik tingin niya sa itaas.

ano ba 'tong pinasok niyang gulo. hindi na alam ni luhan ang gagawin niya. bakit pa kasi siya nahulog. wala siyang oras mahulog. alam niyang sandali lang yung sa kanila ni sehun. hindi na niya pwede pang ituloy. pareho lang silang mahihirapan.

nagsabi na ang ate niya na kailngan na umuwi ng mama niya sa pilipinas, hindi na kaya pang mag trabaho dahil sa sakit niya. ang ate naman niya, kailangan na ni aries sa tabi niya. siya nalang yung inaasahan nilang lahat.

"tama na 'to. tigil na tayo."

"what?" napatingin ulit si sehun sa kanya, then he placed the cigarette butt on the ashtray.

"ito. yung atin. dito nalang 'to. wag na natin ituloy." alam ni luhan kung anong ginagawa niya. hindi niya na kaya. kapag tinuloy niya pa, mamahalin niya na nang sobra si sehun.

"nahihirapan ka bang mahalin ako?" he saw how pain sliced on sehun's orbs so he avoided his eyes.

"kung nahirapan ako, wala ako dito ngayon." pumasok siya sa loob para kunin yung mga damit niyang nakakalat sa lapag.

"you always took risk. matapang ka. parang kayang-kaya mo lahat. bakit sa akin biglang hindi mo na kaya sumugal?" sehun went near him, "bakit yung sa atin pinatalo mo agad. hina ko naman sa'yo."

it wasn't easy for him.

kunot noo siyang humarap kay sehun. pinunasan agad ni luhan yung pisngi niya nang maramdaman niyang pumatak yung luha niya.

"ayun din akala ko, eh. na kaya ko lahat. na kaya ko mundo. nagmamatapang ako. kaso, kapag tinitingnan mo ko," he looked at him straight, "'yang ganyan, nanghihina ako, eh. natatalo ako, eh. naduduwag ako bigla. bigla akong umuurong."

"saan ka ba natatakot?"

"basta. hindi mo maiintindihan. at itong takot na 'to yung pipigil sakin na gawin yung mga bagay na dapat ko gawin."

luhan took his clothes then he left the room. sehun cannot do anything but to watch him walk away.

he's left alone. again.

iyak nang iyak si luhan sa taxi na sinakyan niya pauwi. hindi pwede si sehun. hindi niya kaya maging malakas para sa kanilang dalawa.

nakaasa sa kanya pamilya niya. wala na siyang panahon para unahin sarili niya.

gustong-gusto niyang bumalik. na yakapin si sehun. kaso hindi pwede. kapag naaalala niya mukha ni aries, ng ate niya, pati ng mama niya na nahihirapan na, hindi niya kayang bumalik.

hindi niya kaya maging buo para kay sehun.


	2. Pagbabalik

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: emotional/mental instability

it's been weeks since luhan decided to cut everything they had. sehun tried not to miss him that much. kasi ayun ang gusto ni luhan and he has to respect that. hindi na din siya bumalik sa bar na pinagtatrabahuhan ni luhan.

he kept himself busy at work by day, only for his thoughts of luhan to consume him by night. he felt like a machine. somehow, he is fine with being restless, cause it means being tired. being tired means he can still feel a thing. wala na kasi siyang maramdaman. sa ibang araw, nasa gym siya at nagboboxing, venting everything to the punching bag.

he would still have frequent hookups sa bar. but it still reminds him of luhan. wherever he look, he can remember him. sehun felt like he's so close to getting insane.

but he always made a clear line to his flings. no strings attached. hanggang doon lang. wala na siyang ma iooffer pa. he's just in it for the short pleasure.

alam niyang mahirap ma attach sa kanya, baka maipasa niya lang sa iba yung lungkot. so he always make a clear boundary. one miserable life is enough. ayaw niya nang makasira pa ng iba.

"i want you to take me," he brought a stranger to his place. the guy's being aggressive. sehun smirked at the challenge he raised.

they made out sa loob ng apartment ni sehun, not realizing that he has an unexpected visitor.

napansin lang siya ng dalawa nang tumayo na siya mula sa pagkakaupo.

sehun immediately pulled away when he saw that it was luhan.

"may bisita ka pala, alis na ko," the stranger did a chase kiss on sehun's lips before he left. sehun smirked at him as he see him off.

bumalik siya sa loob para harapin si luhan.

"busy ka pala, sorry,"

"cut it. why are you here?" sehun didn't mean to sound rude. nakainom lang talaga siya, malakas yung tama ng inis at stress.

"magpapaalam lang, atsaka isasauli 'to," inilapag ni luhan sa center table niya yung duplicate key na ibinigay sa kanya ni sehun noon.

"and?" luhan shook his head. "wala na. aalis na ko." sehun suddenly pulled him in his arms. he hugged him tightly, and he buried his face on the crook of luhan's neck. he missed him so much.

'why don't you take risk?" naluluha na naman si luhan. matapos yung nakita niya kanina, ngayon, ito naman. yumayakap siya na parang ayaw niya maiwan. durog na durog siya tapos yayakap si sehun na parang wala lang.

"huwag na. diba, one monster leads to another. one pain to another. sa akin nalang ito. sa'yo nalang din 'yan. wag na tayo." luhan pulled away. "magsasakitan lang tayo, eh. mapapasa lang natin yung hirap atsaka sakit sa isa't-isa. huwag na."

"but i love you," i love you too, gustong-gusto sabihin ni luhan. but he didn't.

"yung pagmamahal mo sa akin, ibaling mo nalang sa sarili mo. love yourself for me. don't depend your happiness to me. don't depend you love to me." kasi kahit gustuhin ni luhan na siya magbigay non, hindi niya kaya. kasi bigat na bigat na din siya.

umalis na din si luhan agad. he can't bear to look at him. disheveled hair, chapped lips, and -- sadness. he's miserable. he doesn't want to think that it is him who made sehun that way.

hindi niya kaya. nasasaktan siya.

the next day, sinubukan ni sehun na puntahan si luhan sa kanila. but to his dismay, he wasn't there. he went to sagada for whatever reason he has. naiinis siya kasi hindi niya maintindihan. ayaw ipaintindi sa kanya ni luhan.

sehun followed him all the way to sagada. hindi niya alam kung saan niya hahagilapin si luhan doon. he sent him a message, asking for his location. kung hindi sasabihin sa kanya ni luhan, mapipilitan siyang magpa ikot-ikot doon. mukha namang naawa yung tita ni luhan kay sehun kaya nag send siya ng message para sabihin na nakikituloy sa bahay ng kamag-anak nila doon si luhan. she also sent him the address. sobrang nagpasalamat si sehun sa kanya.

after a few wrong ways he took, and a few people he asked for the right path, he was able to arrive at the exact place.

inabot na siya ng hapon.

but it was all worth it when he saw luhan. nainis nga lang sa kanya. fortunately, mabait yung kamag-anak nila na may ari ng bahay kaya pinapasok si sehun sa loob. ipinag handa din siya ng hot choco.

pumunta sila ni luhan sa may terrace sa susunod na floor. doon nagpapahangin kanina si luhan habang humihigop ng hot choco at tumitingin sa magandang scenery, bago siya puntahan ni sehun.

"healing time ko dapat 'to, eh, isang araw lang, nanggulo ka pa." umupo si luhan sa pwesto niya kanina. sehun took a sit at the wooden chair adjacent to his. nagpasalamat siya sa tito ni luhan na nag akyat ng hot choco niya papunta sa terrace.

"kalimutan mo nalang yung dati. let's get back to what we were when we first met. yung wala lang." ang sabi ni sehun, sabay higop sa mug niya. 

"wala lang ba tayo?"

"ayaw mo ng tayo diba? edi doon tayo sa wala lang."

hindi muna nila pinag-usapan yung sa kanila, as luhan wished. gusto niya muna kasing masulit nila yung magandang view. yung tahimik na atmosphere. yung parang sila lang dalawa sa mundo.

nag stay sila doon for two days, with luhan's relatives lending sehun some of their things since hindi naman siya nakapagdala ng kahit na anong gamit. he didn't expect din naman na he'll be staying there overnight.

lu's relatives didn't know what's between him and sehun. akala ng mga pinsan niya, friends lang sila, kaya hinayaan na sila mag stay sa iisang kwarto. though his relatives are fine whatever his sexual preference is, being a typical filo family, they are conservative. wala naman silang iniisip na iba sa kanilang dalawa ni sehun kaya nakakapuslit sila ng lambingan.

they went to visit echo valley, its top is indeed majestic. breathtaking.

they both yelled from there. all the pent up frustrations, all the bottled up feelings, they released it in a yell.

kahit papaano, parang gumaan yung karga nilang dalawa.

from above they can see the hanging coffins, to what the place is famous for, aside from its breathtaking view. a wonderful place with an interesting culture.

para silang mga batang tuwang-tuwa kapag nag e-echo yung mga boses nila.

"i never felt this before," sehun huffed, "i feel like i am a kid again."

"cause the things that gave you happiness back then aren't expensive," luhan replied, eyes not leaving the view, "madaling ibigay. kahit madami kang tanong, kahit wala pang sagot, ineenjoy mo lang lahat ng bagay. lakad ka lang nang lakad kahit walang patutunguhan. kahit hindi mo alam kung saan ka dadalhin. minsan, nakakalimutan lang natin balikan yung ganong phase ng buhay natin."

luhan held sehun's hand, "you are existing. you are breathing. hindi ka machine. you are not those things this world is trying to make you feel."

they smiled at each other.

pagkauwi nila kinagabihan, after ages, sehun was able to sleep soundly immediately. beside luhan, with him in his warm embrace.

luhan stayed up all night, pa sikretong umiiyak.

he opened the message his sister sent him.

he really has to go.

luhan has to go there in their place. para din sa ate niya. para hindi na hanap-hanapin pa ni aries yung mama niya. gusto niya maging buo para kay sehun. kaso kulang na kulang siya.

maaga sila umalis kinabukasan para magpaalam, para din maabutan nila ang sunrise sa kiltepan viewpoint.

since he wasn't able to sleep last night, luhan took naps on the trip.

when they reached the hilltop, they countdown till sunrise.

they were both in awe as the sun rises.

"start a new beginning from here," luhan tried to hold back his tears, "pagbaba natin dito, hihinga ka na ng malalim paminsan. aalalahanin na may rason kung bakit. kahit hindi pa alam. tuloy ka lang. sugal ka lang."

"be with me," sehun held luhan's hand.

nag stay pa sila doon nang medyo matagal to seize the moment. pag alis nila, bumili muna sila ng pasalubong na iuuwi ni luhan sa kanila. kumain din muna sila bago umalis sa sagada. babalik na sila sa realidad.

bumyahe na sila pabalik ng manila pagkatapos. a few stopovers, bababa sila para kumain, uminom, mag restroom. but on the duration of the trip, they were both quiet.

padilim na nang makauwi sila. hinatid ni sehun si luhan sa bahay nila. tinulungan niya si luhan bitbitin yung mga pasalubong papasok.

"see you?" paalis na si sehun, nasa may bandang garden na siya palabas.

ayaw ni luhan. kapag kasi umalis na si sehun, alam niyang huli na 'yon. hindi na sila magkikita.

"aalis na ko," paalam ni luhan. sehun cupped his cheeks when he saw tears in luhan's eyes. nag-alala siya.

"bakit? saan ka pupunta?"

"sa malayo." pinunasan niya luha niya, "kailangan, eh." sehun's hands fell limp on his side.

"iiwan mo ko?" luhan nodded, his tears continuously streaming down his cheeks.

lumayo kaunti si sehun. akala niya kasi okay na. hindi pala. parang siyang nasapak.

"hindi ba ako kapili-pili? kulang na kulang ba ako?" tears are brimming in his eyes, "hirap na hirap ka bang mahalin ako? pagod na pagod ka na ba?" 

luhan aggressively shook his head, "hindi, hindi. hindi sa ganon. mahal na mahal kita. kaso hindi pala sapat na mahal lang kita. gustong-gusto kita sindihan, gustong-gusto, kaso, kulang ako. para na akong nauupos, para na akong kandilang natutunaw. wala na akong maibigay."

"ayon ba tingin mo? mahal kita dahil sa mga bagay na kaya mo ibigay? no!" lalo lang naiiyak si luhan habang tumataas yung tono ng boses ni sehun, "i don't need anything from you! fck! i just want you to stay with me!"

"it doesn't work that way," he shook his head, "kailangan ako ng pamilya ko. kailangan mo ko. kitang-kita ko kung gaano mo ko kailangan sa tabi mo. habang tinitingnan kita, naduduwag ako. mahal na mahal kita, gustong-gusto ko ibigay sa'yo ang mundo. kasi 'yun ang deserve mo. pero natatakot ako kasi hindi ko maibigay yung buong ako. kailangan ako ng pamilya ko. hindi ko kaya pagsabayin yung sa kanila atsaka sa atin."

"i understand."

naiintindihan siya ni sehun, pero hindi malaman ni luhan kung bakit hindi maalis yung sakit. humalik si sehun sa pisngi niya tapos umalis. nang marinig niya yung tunog nang mabilis na pag-alis ng kotse, napaupo si luhan. iniyak niya na nang iniyak lahat.

that was the last time they saw each other.

a year after, south korea

madali naman nakapag adjust si luhan sa korea, doon siya sanay na sanay. he made friends there too. may mga filipino din siyang kasamahan sa trabaho kaya minsan na wala silang pasok, namamasyal lang sila.

maayos na lagay ng mama niya, fortunately. maayos naman siyang nakakapagpadala ng pera. hindi niya na rin kailangan pang mangloko ng tao, basta, he's contented to what or where he is right now.

pero malungkot.

"han, picturan mo ako dito!" natawa siya nang nag pose na agad yung kaibigan niya malapit sa puno. tiningnan kasi nila ng iba niyang friends yung cherry blossoms sa yeouido hangang park.

"okay," he took the phone, "ngiti na, one, two," nag focus siya sa screen, para makita kung maganda ang angulo. "thr--" he saw a familiar face, naglalakad yung tao mula sa malayo.

posible kaya 'yon? can fate really do its wonders?

"tagal, ah! tapos na ba?" he took a snap then he smiled, "oo, tingnan mo 'to."

naglakad-lakad lang sila, sinubukan talaga ni luhan na sundan --- siya. kung siya nga talaga 'yon.

they were walking at an opposite direction. papalapit na nang papalapit, kinakabahan siya.

"hey."

it really is him.

"hey."

si sehun.

"kumusta ka na?"

naglakad sila nang sabay, walang imikan, pero parehong sabik. nabanggit ni luhan na pupunta siya sa coex para sa aquarium kaya sinundan siya ni sehun. they took the subway on going to coex. 

madalas siyang nalalagi doon sa oceanarium. gustong-gusto niya kasi dalhin si aries doon. kapag nandon siya, naiisip niya sila.

naiisip niya si sehun.

"ang galing naman ng coincidence," sehun mentioned while they were taking a stroll.

"are you sure it's not fate?" luhan teasingly raised a brow.

"baka masyado lang tayong romanticist." natawa sila pareho. "do you still paint?"

luhan shook his head, "hindi na. kinalimutan ko na 'yon."

he has forgotten his first love.

"9 days na akong nandito," he paused, then sehun added, "sabi ko, 10 days, aasa akong makikita kita. di ko alam kung saan ka hahanapin, eh. pero naglakad-lakad ako dito. kahit di ko alam kung saan pupunta. kahit di ko alam kung saan ako makakarating. pasuko na nga ako, eh. buti nakita kita."

sinusundan lang nila nang tingin yung mga creature na nasa aquarium.

"hinanap mo ko?"

"diba, sabi mo, subok lang. kahit di mo alam kung may patutunguhan. diretso lang. kahit upos na upos ka na. kahit wala ka nang maramdaman. hangga't di mo nakikita ang dulo. tuloy ka lang."

"do you think it is worth it?" they looked at each other in the eye.

"kung para sa'yo, bakit hindi. you are worth taking risk." akala ni luhan, handa na siya kung sakaling haharapin niya si sehun. hindi parin pala. nauutal parin siya.

"paano kung hindi pala? paano pala kung mali na sinundan mo pa ko dito?"

"edi kahit ganon, i'll have no regrets. umuwi man akong talo, wala akong pagsisisihan."

"sehun--"

"sa bandang 'to, ako naman ang aalis," sehun smiled at him, sadness still evident in his pair of brown eyes, "sinubukan ko lang."

luhan heaved a deep breath, "malay mo, yung tayo sa ibang universe, may happy ending. baka sila meron."

"i guess, this is goodbye?" nag nod si luhan, ngumiti habang pinipigilan ang luha. inabutan siya ni sehun ng panyo. ngumiti tapos dahan-dahang naglakad palayo.

may nakaipit na note sa panyo.

"be with me."

but he can't.

kagaya ng dati, umiyak na naman siya pauwi. pigil na pigil siya sa daan, pero bumuhos na nung sinorpresa siya ng ate niya sa apartment na tinutuluyan niya.  
naikwento niya na yung sa kanila ni sehun. hinayaan siya ng ate niya na yumakap habang umiiyak.

"bunso, ikaw naman."

"ha?"

"ikaw naman. puro nalang kasi kami. si sehun. ikaw naman. sarili mo naman isipin mo ngayon. saan ka ba sasaya talaga?"

nakapag isip-isip siya matapos nilang mag-usap ng ate niya.

two months after, he made a choice.

he went back to the philippines to get his happiness. para sa sarili niya. hindi na siya aalis. dito nalang din siya magtatrabaho.

he knew sehun will be at his sister's art gallery. nag open kasi ulit ang exhibit ng ate niya.

hindi niya alam kung tatanggapin pa siya ni sehun. pero sumubok siya.

"excuse me," napalingon sa kanya si sehun. hindi malaman ni luhan kung ano ba ibig sabihin ng reaksyon niya kaya mas lalo siyang kinabahan. "isasauli ko lang." he handed him his hanky. puro panyo na ni sehun yung panyo niya.

tinanggap naman ni sehun, then luhan walked pass him. sehun saw a note, nakaipit siya sa panyong inabot ni luhan.

"i'm here to be with you" nangiti siya tapos agad na sumunod kay luhan.

"everything with a price?"

"no, anything for you." they held hands as they walk through the art gallery.

and never will they let go again.

FIN.


End file.
